iF yoU seeK Amy’s Blog

10/06/2009 23:54:26 (WEDNESDAY)

Hey! Its me again. Not much to say but i finished RM76 of credits only in 2 days! So stupid!

11/06/2009 21:57:14 (THURSDAY)

Just got my result for semester 2.

ACC107 – ACCOUNTING [B3.00]

BEL260 – PREPARATORY COURSE FOR MUET [B3.00]

CSC159 – COMPUTER ORGANIZATION [A- 3.67]

CSC175 – OBJECT ORIENTED PROGRAMMING [B+ 3.33]

HBU122 – CIVIL DEFENSE II [A 4.00]

IDA152 – MAN & RELIGION [B- 2.67]

MAT105 – FUNDAMENTAL OF MATHEMATICS [B+ 3.33]

GPA : 3.27

CGPA : 3.38

What do you think? Great? Not really but okay for me and this is the kind of result i been expecting , not so bad and not so great. Just so-so. Now, that’s Jack. The dean-list result is so not me. I’ve never been that great in my life. Now i got this result, i will be more motivated. If i got great result, i will tend to forget where i stand. That’s why i never want those kind of result. Its better i got so-so result. Of course people respect you more when you get better output, but i rather want to be down-to-earth guy. When people don’t expect anything from you, that’s when you strike them.

Future planned? Ignored what haters say and get real with myself. Time to do more and give more. Stop bitching around and wasting time. Next semester will be harder than last two semesters. Show time guys, watch for new phoenix to rise from dead!

13/06/2009 2:18:43 (SATURDAY)

Its weekend! Am i down? No, i’m fine but i feel sorry for one of my friend, Rahimah, she must be so down with her result. I can’t help but feel sorry for you. You will be okay next semester girl.I know you can rise up once again or again and again.

Oh yeah, i got an experience which happened to me for first time! Its fainted! Its the very first time i’ve fainted! Its just happened! No warning at all except a minute before its happened when you feel nausea, blur and can’t stand up. I was in the toilet at the time, when i almost finished my ‘business’, the bad feeling coming to me and i don’t how much time after that, i woke up with me lying on the bathroom with my ‘snake’ still out! All i remember was i’m in between life. Dead and life. I feel i was there but actually i’m not. I don’t know how long was in there fainted. After that, i quickly out from the bathroom straight to my bedroom and lying myself on the floor (of course my shirt is dirty, that’s why i don’t lying on beds). I’m in a minute, sleep like there are no tomorrow with my head still feels not good. Hours after that, i checked the condition in the bathroom, guess what? The pipe is not at the condition before the happening happened. My body must be the one to be accused of for that action to happen. Its happen on Thursday afternoon.

After that, i’m starting thinking that it might be one of the wake up call from God that my life is not that long anymore. I’ve started think nonsense like telling everyone how much have i lie to them (Reloader and UiTM’s gang), how will my parents live without me, how will i spend the rest of my life? All of that crossing my minds. Its don’t feel good at all to know you will dead. Let’s just hope its never happened to me again. I got a lots of thing to achieve. God bless me and my family.

p/s : Condolence to my aunty, she died on Thursday also. She’s funny and great aunty. May God bless your soul. Amen.

14/06/2009 1:59:31 (SUNDAY)

With only two weeks to go, i think i do my best holiday like i used to. You know, spending time with my family before i pursue my studies in Kuching or to be exact, Kota Samarahan which will prove my abilties to handle new challenges. Although i survived all of them, that’s not mean that i will dead this time around. I’m confident i will do just fine like before and i just need to pray and believe more in God. Yes, i confessed i’m a bit forgot about God last semester. Hopefully with this wake up (the result, of course), i will be a lot better person with God in my heart. I love you God.

I think i have go very far from the first time around i’m entering ‘campus era’. Froma guy who not confidence with himself to a very happy-go-lucky and not to mention, talkactive guy. From no one to someone. From the weakest to the strongest. I’ve become someone who willing to work by myself to handle a problem. I seen my potential to become a father, haha.. No, i don’t mean to have children or make love things but handling families problem as a leader in my future family. That’s how far am i going from a teenager to a almost adulter who seen everything in himself. This the journey where i got to know myself. This is the journey where i know what high and what low. And i’m just half of the road, i got two years to go before i’m using all of this experience to become a succesfuladult. I believe in myself!

15/06/2009 3:22:48 (MONDAY)

Just a masterpiece words from THE CLIMB to support and motivated my condition right now.

I can almost see it

That dream i’m dreaming but there’s a voice inside my head sayin,

You’ll never reach it.

Every step i’m taking

Every move i’m make feels lost with no direction

My faith is shaking but i

Got to keep trying

Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain

I’m always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle

Sometimes you going to have to lose

Ain’t about how fast i get there

Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

Its the climb

The struggles i’m facing

The chances i’m taking

Sometimes they knock me down

But no, i’m not breaking

I’m may not knowing

But these are the moments that i’m going to remember most

Just got to keep going

And i got to be strong

Just keep pushing on.

Remember that Jack!

16/06/2009 1:38:31 (TUESDAY)

Today is not like the other day. I’m usually write any entry before i go to sleep but this time around, i write after i tried to sleep and yes, i can’t force myself to sleep while my head keep on thinking what will happen in the future, will i follow my family choice or pursue my dreams? I don’t know, i can’t make a decision right now cause i don’t where my life lead me. But everything will not come to anyone if he keeps on waiting, do you so? So yeah, basically i have to make a decision one day and i can’t wait for that day to come where i will know how i am using this life well. I hope i make a right, i mean, really really right moves. All of this has been on my mind since i started my puberty. I just don’t want to screw up. God, please help me to make a right decisions for a better future.

17/06/2009 0:02:35 (WEDNESDAY)

Hello people? I’m doing really great today only it spoiled for a couples of seconds, my sis’s Lyn angry cause we didn’t ‘tapau’ for her when we eat at a cafe behind our house’s block. Its scared me though. Maybe next time, sis? Sorry for that. Anyway, i feel my spirit lifted up today. I feel alive again. I don’t know why and how but i feels great and its the kind of feelings that will last forever. I love being with my family. They keep your spirit up and live. That’s a good thing when you have your family, they will never leave you alone, they will always be there for you and they are one of the main reasons why you still breathing. Love your family while you have it!

21/06/2009 1:27:00 (SUNDAY)

Hey, its me again, after its been a while i’m not updating you guys. The stories is nothing i guess. Its just the day to remembered and honoured your dad or father’s contribute and support since its FATHER’S DAY!! Happy father’s day, my hero and my major idol! You know i always loved you. Its so sad actually cause you never tell your real feelings towards your dad. Yeah, i’m one of those people. You can call me chicken, but its still me. I guess there are plenty of people whose just like me. And i have a little advice to you guys, don’t be a coward. Let it go cause i will let it go this morning, yeah! Let’s do this! Happy father’s day to all fathers.

21/06/2009 19:12:49 (SUNDAY)

I don’t feel good actually. Here the reason, my family will have an Astro? Great, huh? No actually. I don’t think i’m happy with the cute-parabola.

First, we don’t really need it. We already have all the entertainment and knowledge from the free television stations, so why asking for more?

Second, its not good for my little brother, Mike. Yes, he is having his final examination of all his secondary school and i don’t think he is one of those people who can handle or manage his time. With the present of our laptops, i have never seen his with his school books or doing homework! So, what would happen to his academically with the present of Astro?

Third, its money wasting! I know my parents try to make all of us happy with the Astro but come on, how are going to pay those bills. With the electricity and water bills plus house payment, i don’t think we affordable to pay those. You know what? The money left in my dad bank account is below RM200 on the middle of the month! How he will support all of us for the rest of the months? I have no idea. Don’t talk about my mom’s salary, its gone in minutes!

Fourth, the used of internet is down to 50%! You don’t have the thrilled to download a video anymore if you can watch its on your television! OMG! So many excuses, but unfortunately the cute-parabola will coming to our house tomorrow! Urgh! I have to adjust myself, i guess. See ya tonight for more!

22/06/2009 14:08:02 (MONDAY)

Yesterday, my family celebrate Father’s Day with KFC! So full that i don’t dinner. Anyway, i finally let it go last night to Rahimah. Thank God she understand my situation. The cute-parabola still not coming yet.

25/06/2009 1:18:05 (THURSDAY)

You know what? I thought today is Tuesday and OMG, its Thursday! How time goes by really fast! Nine days from now, i will start be a fighter! I know next semester will be the tougher ever! I just can feel it. I’m so ready for this i guess. The day i arrived there, i will straight go to the CC to register to get food subsidization and if i don’t get, i’m swear i will be like a boy from Zimbabwe! I ready for that too. All i have to do is to ‘puasa’ everyday! Only eat at night! Imagine that!

Astro thing is strong as H1N1. All of us are so amaze by it, not including me, although i admit i love it. Oh yeah, we just have the electric bill and we have to pay RM66! More than 50% from last month!

26/06/2009 2:32:25 (FRIDAY)

Its freakin Friday! OMG, time really past you by just a blink. Our stories today is the most horrified that could ever happened to me. Yesterday, one of my earphone is dead! Seriously, i just bought it last semester and it dead? Can’t blame others though, that’s made in China. And to spice thing up, my handphone is having BLACKOUT! Yeah, nothing appears on the screen, only a white and bright appears. So, its pretty damn! How i’m i survive my world after this without my handphone? I guess i need a new one and the only time i can get one is like TWO months from now! Let’s hope everything will be back to usual operations cause i have enough!!

26/06/2009 17:29:37 (FRIDAY)

One of a few world superstar and superartist today is leaving us, Micheal Jackson or simply known as MJ, died this afternoon (Malaysia’s time) after having heart attack at his home. He made his name for his great showmanship and killer songs plus the famous Moonwalk has always been one of the most influential person in this world and to myself. I born as Jackson has a multiple personality connection with him. When i was young, i always referred as Micheal Jackson because of our almost same name not because of i have his talent, no way. I always pissed off when someone called me that since the year i grew up, we live in MJ’s life episode of fallen. People insult me with that name. Its quite disturbing though. And then when i was in Form Two, a history’s teacher called me Micheal Jackson to answer her question. She said, “You better know the answer. Don’t be just be known as someone who knows to dance!”. That’s really where i reach my boiling point. Come on, i’m no MJ. Why compare me to this legend? If she trying to make a joke, that’s total a no joke. Its insulting.

So, MJ always be one of the side of me, my life’s drama. To lose him today is one of the most shocked news i ever been read. You know he will someday, but not today. He got sold-out 50 live shows coming next months and to know he dead is such not a news you want to see or hear. Forget about his cases in the court only for today, let’s pray for him and his family.

God bless his soul.

27/06/2009 1:21:39 (SATURDAY)

Weekend is here! With the world still mourning on the loss of MJ, i bet it MJ’s weekend or MJ’s months. Of course we will miss him but we have to let go it someone time. You have your life too.

27/06/2009 2:33:06 (SATURDAY)

Rest In Peace, Sony Ericsson Z610i. You been living with me since 6 February 2007 till now and has been one the most influential things in my life. You shape my life and you will be remembered always. Thank you for your services.

28/06/2009 0:23:02 (SUNDAY)

This Sunday is the last Sunday i will be in Miri before i go to Kuching next Saturday. Oh.. Feels so sad. Can’t imagine how will i bring myself next semester.

To a surprise, my handphone is alive again! Miracle happens! But, of course i will not put a high bar or hope for this time around. Lets just pray it will survive till the end of the year or its third anniversary, at least.

Problem strikes again. The thing which collects all the things we flushed in the toilets is leak! The smell is hell and haunting us. No wonder previous owner of this house leave!

29/06/2009 1:29:00 (MONDAY)

Final week for me! I have come this far actually from the first time i go to Kuching to pursue my way or destiny. Yesterday actually one of the biggest day in my history (kudos to Imah for remembered it to me)! I fully let myself go to continued my studies in UiTM yesterday, which is about a year ago and that change my view of the world completely and i studied the real meaning of freedom and independent. I never thought that i will continue my studies since i said to myself that i’m tired of studies and its about time to look for money. After struggling in jobs (yes, i have more that 2 jobs in 5 months!), i’m telling myself that maybe i’m not ready yet, so why don’t give study a chance. The rest is history! Here i am now. This 4th of July, i will go to Kuching again to have another blast and bloody year which i have in the first year. Its sweet and bitter at the same time. What worse more is the problem hits you one after another you have solved. It really need strength from physically and mentally which when you will learn to make decisions and learn from the mistake and consequently make you more matured.

I don’t know how others facing theirs day in UiTM but for me, i have the hardest. Things don’t just go easy for me since the first day i step my foot on the UiTM’s ground. The worst things have ever happened to me is of course, the day where i apply for help from PTPTN. That’s few days really took my life to thestorm! Everything just not right for me. It don’t ended there, when i finally got the application and when the money supposed to entered to our accounts, i don’t have any in my accounts, before i found out that i have filled in wrong bank account in the application. Since that day, i struggled and put everything else on hold. I do learned from that mistakes though, don’t be cheats by number 9 and 6!

I don’t really remember the things that have changed me cause it don’t really nice to be remembered. But i do remember the part when i lose my activity card (i do make entry about this, flashed back!!). I felt like a bullet just passed through my heart when i was told that they don’t have my card with them! I can’t focus that day cause that card mean a lot to me. It mean hardship and when somebody took it, they like taking all my tears and sweats with them!

With all of the dramas, i learnt a lot and it shaped my to be the new and brave Jackson John! I’m proud of myself and i ready for more (not that i want it but i can feel that next semester is the hardest of them all!).

Get back to the real life, i go to the church today which i know i won’t go for the next five months. Forgive me God. And on the evening, i company my dad to go to E-Mart (big supermarket) near our house. There, suddenly i hear my name is being called! Its my junior! OMG! I leave the school for like two years now and someone remember me and my name! I don’t even remembered her name but i do familiar with the face (of course after a few seconds of flashed back). I don’t really closed to her but i do closed to her friends since her friend got crushed on me. For someone to remember you and your name, you have to be somebody who got brand and its own personality! Thank you guys for remembering me after almost two years i don’t see your faces. Well, i build my own empire okay? It don’t take one year but almost four years! My name shine from the students in Form 1 to Form 5 and even my senior remembered me when i meet them in UiTM. Again, i proud of myself. I made myself a superstar for few good reasons. I’m a silly boy gone to superstar boy!!!

30/06/2009 1:19:31 (TUESDAY)

As the day keep on approaching 4th July, i want to spend my time wisely here cause i don’t sure if i go home on Aid’s Holidays. Its all about the money.

I struggle about my hair, whether i need to cut it or just let it grow longer. Help me!